IMCHOO .... or should I say a big fat DNF 9-29-2019

Day 3 after my big fat DNF and I’m still in shock.  I feel numb.  I would have never dreamed that I would miss a bike cutoff.  I keep looking back at my Garmin data at my bike pace and saying what the HELL.  Excuse the language, but I’ve never biked that slow for any event or practice ride!!  I remember looking at my watch during the race and thinking my Garmin must of been off or that I had hit the wrong sitting.   I just couldn’t believe 13.5 mph pace!!  I sure didn’t feel that I was going that slow!  

So let me start from the beginning…….

Gary and I arrived in Chattanooga on Friday around lunch time.  We had to wait for our room to be ready so we grabbed lunch across the street.  It felt so surreal seeing all the Little Debbie Ironman signs all over town.  There were even billboards as we drove into town.  My stomach was doing flips.  I was so ready to do this race finally.  It had been a long 2 years!

There was a 3pm first timer briefing that I wanted to get to so we quickly unloaded all my stuff and I walked down to the river for the briefing.  It was 97 degrees!  We had 4 coaches talk at the briefing.  They all stressed that due to the heat and such a high DNF rate back in 2016 when the temps were very similar (90s with heat index of 100) that we needed to dial down our bike pace.  They said if we didn’t we would never make the run and survive the heat.  They also stressed that we needed to be already ramped up on hydration.  I had been doing this all week.  I was ready for the heat.  I’ve trained in the heat all summer long in South Mississippi!  The briefing ended up being most a Q & A session.  After the briefing I quickly got checked in and was all teary eyed when the lady put on my wristband.  

Gary and I were both in the bed early on Friday.  Lisa, my coach had said try to sleep and rest Friday night because you know you won’t sleep much on Saturday night.  I actually slept really good.  I was excited my family would be arriving on Saturday. 

Since I missed the regular athletic briefing at 2pm before the 1st timer briefing, I made a note to go to the one at 10am on Saturday after the 9:30am prayer group at the river.  I was so glad a made the prayer group.  It was a small group of us.  Several shared their favorite bible verses and several prayed.  I felt so at ease.  Gary and I had walked around town a little earlier that morning and the river looked so peaceful.  I wasn’t nervous about the swim at all.  I was looking forward to getting the race started.   

So at the 10am athletic briefing they went over logistics of the buses, etc.  They went into much more detail on the race than the 1st timer briefing.  I was glad I went to both.  He also stressed again like the coaches had done to not go out on the bike all out…. he said dial it in and take your time.  He also said it’s a fast course so don’t use all your energy on the bike in the heat.  They also announced they were bringing in cooling buses to have along the bike route for people that might need to cool down.  They were doing everything to try to prevent the 2016 high DNF rate.  They even stressed that even though the race was going to be wetsuit optional to ditch the wetsuit.  I still planned to wear mine.  Not sure why I felt the need when I had just swam in the GA river 2.4 miles without one a couple weeks before for the 2nd time.  But several of my friends had told me if it was wetsuit optional to wear the wetsuit… especially with it being my first full so that was my plan.  Lisa had even told me to just make sure I was good and hydrated since I was wearing it.  So I did.  I drank all day for days leading up to the race. 

My family arrived around lunch time on Saturday.  We all went to lunch together.  I was so excited they were all there to see me.  I couldn’t wait to cross that finish line and them see me being announced as an ironman.   We had fun Saturday afternoon and then Erin put on all my number tattoos for the race.  My packet had an extra set of my race numbers in case you messed up while putting them on.  She decided she wanted my number on her arm.  It was so cute.  We all had a good laugh!  I felt so relaxed.  

I got off my feet and in the bed early on Saturday night.  To my surprise I feel asleep pretty fast.  But then I woke up around 1am and the worry started.  It was all worry about the heat.  I kept telling myself to just slow down on the bike and all would be good.  Little did I know that it would cost me in the race!! 

So 4am came early on Sunday.  I got up and had my small cup of coffee and started my oatmeal, peanut butter, and hydrating.  I made it down to transition around 5:15am and pumped my tires up.  They had told us to not pump them up on Saturday when we checked our bikes in due to the heat so they wouldn’t pop over night.  I got all my nutrition stuff ready.  I was glad I carried my own bike pump down.  So many other people asked to borrow it.  Apparently there were only a few at the bike aid station.   I took the bike pump back to the room since our room was like 5 minutes from transition.  Gary was still in the bed asleep.  ha.    I then went to catch the bus to take us to the swim start.  My family planned to just wait at the swim exit to see me so I went alone.  So many took their entire family.  It was still pitch dark!  Kids were crying and people were chatting all around me.  I just sat there in silence waiting for the start hoping I would not get too hot in my wetsuit.  My plan was to just swim slow and steady.  Normally the river has a really nice current on race day so I hoped to not spend to much energy on my swim.  Little did I know what was about to happen…..

The swim start went pretty fast.  I was surprised how fast the line was moving.  Soon it was my turn to jump in.  It seemed that I hadn’t even gotten 100 yards and I was so out of breath and burning up.  I told myself to calm down.  The river sure wasn’t calm now.  People were all over kicking and splashing.  I had people touching me on both sides.  I said oh heck no…. and moved further out away from people.  It seemed to be taking forever to get from buoy to buoy and I was so HOT and that dang wetsuit was choking me.  At one point I tried to unzip it and swallowed a ton of water so I gave up and said just keep moving.  By the time I finished I was so wore out.  My chest felt so heavy.  I had a great swim time but felt so tired.  I swam the 2.4 miles in 1 hour 29 minutes.  I beat that 2 hour 20 minute time limit so I was pumped and never even had a thought about missing a cutoff after my good swim time….. but little did I know it was coming!!! My family captured these pictures of me coming out of the swim.  

A full ironman is so different than a half ironman.  After the swim we were directed into a changing tent where we were handed our bike gear bag. 

I quickly put on my shoes and helmet and the volunteer put on my arm sleeves.  I was dying to pee.  I tried to go while swimming but it just wouldn’t come.  So I left the tent and went to the porta potty.   It felt like I was in there forever peeing.  Then I made it to my bike.  I was shocked to find my water bottle still frozen!! I had left it by my bike that morning so it would thaw some so I could pour it in my bottle mounted on my handle bars.  I had it filled with my scratch nutrition.  Well me and the volunteer tried to get the ice cube out of the bottle and into my handlebar bottle.  It wouldn’t budge so I asked her if they still had some water.  She said yes and went to get a bottle of water.  I was furious.  Now I had to wait for water and then I had to mix a packet of my tailwind that I had in my nutrition bag for later.  All this took up so much time and my T1 ended up being 16 minutes!!! I had looked at my watch and I was at 10 minutes when I got to my bike which is about normal for a full ironman especially with the distance we had to walk or run from the swim to get to the transition changing tent and our bikes.   

Now I was finally out on the bike.  I still felt so heavy in the chest.  My heart was pounding.  I still felt so tired.  I told myself just give it a few miles and things will settle down.  They had told us that the first 8-10 miles going out of town was very bad roads and to ride slow.  I saw so many people changing flats.  I was so glad I was riding slow and watching for all the debris on the road.  I told myself my pace would pick up once I got out of town.  I had been told that the course was full of rolling hills but nothing big.  Well, that person must be crazy.. ha.  I felt like I was climbing the whole time except on the back side coming back in.… now that was FUN.  AND I now know exactly what they mean by false flats!!! You would see the places that looked like a long flat and think to yourself….. oh yes… finally a flat and then when you got on it, the long flat would seem like you were doing a slow long climb! FALSE FLAT! :>). 

When I came in at the half way point I heard a lady say it was like 1:40pm so I knew I had missed the 2:25pm cutoff and didn’t worry about making the overall cutoff.  BIG MISTAKE.  I started the 2nd loop feeling so much better than the 1st loop.  I was finally starting to get my grove back and my chest wasn’t hurting and feeling so heavy.  However, now it was really hot.  The sun was beaming.  A couple of rest stops were out of water and ice!!! They only had hot gatorade.  But at this point I drank it.   I was staying on top of my nutrition.  I ate every time my watch beeped and licked my base salt.  I kept telling myself you are going to do this!  I really started to push it after mile 100 to make that final cutoff, but i really wasn’t too worried about it until around 110 and I then remembered I had on an old timex on my other arm with the actual time of day on it and I glanced at it and realized I was really close.  I was so mad.  Why hadn’t I looked at that watch the whole time and paid attention!  Why was I smiling and enjoying the ride and not pushing to make the time limit!!!  I saw so many bikers on the side of the road laying in the shade waiting to be picked up.  I also saw like 5 ambulances picking people up.  As I passed several I shouted out is all ok and they would say that they were ok but they were done and waiting on someone to pick them up.  These people were not people that looked unfit!! Most were very fit looking and several young!!! I prayed for them and I thanked God that my body was still doing good and I was able to go on.  

I believe I rolled into the dismount line at 6:22pm and the rule was you had to be off bike at 6:10 and out of transition and on the run by 6:20pm!  I was devastated!!!  My family captured a picture of them taking my chip and the guy telling me I had missed the bike cutoff!  I asked him if I could go ahead and run since I still had slightly over 6 hours till my 16:30 final time to run the marathon and he said no.  He told me to go put my own bike up and get my stuff!  I didn’t know what to say!! I wanted my run shoes so I could go on.  Then I looked and my run gear bag was not laying in transition.  A lady had a pile of them throwing over the fence to another volunteer who was taking them to where our morning bags where at for us to pick up.  I couldn’t even get to my shoes!!!  I walked with my bike thinking to myself..  OMG… all the months…. all the training… and what the HELL!!! What was wrong with my bike pace?? Why was I so freaking SLOW!!!!!!!!! It all seemed like a dream.  I didn’t see my family but knew they were close and probably didn’t know what to say.  I went in the porta potty and tried to compose myself.  I didn’t want to cry in front of my family.  When I came out there were standing waiting asking what had happen.  I explained to them that I missed the cutoff.  They couldn’t believe it either.  I’ve NEVER biked that slow even on a BAD day!!!!  

So we went back to the hotel room.  I didn’t want to hang around the ironman area.  I wanted to go crawl in a hole.  All I could think about was the time I had spent training!!! the people tracking me that was probably wondering also what the HELL!  Again, I’m sorry for the language … I’m just still so mad at myself.  I let myself down!  I let my family down!!! I let others down!!! I took a shower and we all walked to get food.  I didn’t even dry my hair or put on makeup.  I didn’t give a cramp!  I was still just in shock.   I had a few glasses of wine hoping it would just knock me out so I would not think about the race.  

I ended up sleeping off and on only waking up wondering if I was still in a dream!!! I didn’t have to go get in line early to get my finisher jacket the next morning so Gary and I were on the road to PA by 6:30am.  I drove the first 3 hours which kept my mind off things because I was having to pay attention to the map.  Then Gary took over and the tears begin to flow.  I sat in the passenger seat and cried like a baby.  I couldn’t control it.  I know he thought I was crazy although, he kept telling me he was so proud of me.  I wasn’t!  I am pissed.  I let all that training go to waste by not focusing on my time limits!! I was too over confident!!! All I had worried about was the swim for months.  Never the bike.  I always thought if anything prevented me from finishing it would be cramps or something like that.  

So my take aways from my experience:

1. You never know the weather…. train for all
2. Pay attention to time limits!!!
3. An Ironman is hard….. Just cause you can bike… don’t assume you’ll beat the time limit! Maybe bike more HILLS!!
4. I should have got my shoes and ran on with them telling me I couldn’t …. I should have tried to see if I could have made the 16:30 time limit cause I’ll never know now and believe me… it will eat at you every day! 
5. The volunteers are amazing!
6. They don’t always open the dam up for a FAST swim.  My mom said they announced when the swimmers were coming in that the river flow was not what it use to be for the race.  The dam wasn’t opened early.  I also had 3 people tell me on the bike that it was their 3rd or 4th time to do Choo and it was their slowest swim time.  Not much current!  Someone posted the current and you can see it wasn’t high like usual for race day!

According to the TVA site, the current all morning was only about 8K, the lowest seen on race day

With this info I feel really good about my swim time.... but not the overall DNF!!They say fast bike….. well maybe to some.  It’s a lot of climbing.  I’m still a little scared going down hill so I often pump my brakes going down.  Maybe it would be faster to me if I didn’t, but when you’ve had a bike wreck that ended in multi fractures….well let’s just say you are a little more cautious.  :>) 

7.  I want to hear my name called at a full ironman so bad!!! but is it worth the registration fee just to prove something?????  I would do Florida in November to try, but the fee is $825!   I just can’t wrap my head around paying that right now just to prove I can do something.  At least when you register like a year in advance they give you the option to pay for the registration in monthly payments.   That way it don’t seem like so much dang money!  I’m just torn.  I don’t like wasting money.  Not that an ironman is a waste, but I have friends that are battling cancer and I just see so many other ways my money could be spent.  

8.  The people that finish an Ironman are AMAZING!!!! It’s not easy!! and I say that and I didn’t even get to go on the run.  I have a friend that missed the run cutoff.  My heart breaks for him.  WE all train hard for months and then so many don’t finish.

9.  The WORST PART … well right now …. is that I  have a big fat DNF by my name!!! I’ve never not finished anything!  This is really haunting me!!!! I do know that you can’t look at race results and truly know a person’s ability.  Every race is different!! It all depends on the weather, the course, and a person’s body that day!  I’ve done the St. Jude Marathon 6X and my times are all different.   We’ve had years with ice and snow and years with heat.  But even with me knowing all this…. it still stings really bad that I have a DNF!!!!!!! 

Info from the Ironman FB Page .... The exact DNF rate yesterday was 24.% With a 14.5% DNS. The DNF rate in 2016 was 25.4%. IM Chattanooga 2016 had the 2nd highest DNF rate in the history of the race. The first being Ironman Frankfurt in 2019 with a 26.3% DNF rate.

I’m glad Gary and I are in PA visiting his mom and I don’t have to see my friends up close.  I feel like I let them all down.  I will say I never knew how many people truly care about me!  I’ve had so many sweet private messages telling me how much they believe in me.  It’s all so sweet and I feel undeserving.  However, I LOVE you all!!!!! I don’t think I would make it without you all and God’s love.  I know that we don’t never know the reason for things.   Like my bike wreck that put me out and now my bike time….. but I do know that with God all things will workout.  As mad and as sad as I feel, I must have faith it will all be ok.  And I do believe it will.  Right now I’m just processing so many emotions and trying to get through one day at a time.  My dream was crushed.  

So many keep telling me to go find another one fast.  But I promised myself and my husband that I would take a break in 2020 from ironman.  I have the big Sur Marathon in April in California and the Yellowstone half in June.  I’m planning a runcation for both so that will cost me some money…. so NO money for ironman and No extra vacation days from work for ironman.  :>)

Aggravated…. Sad…. Mad….. Shocked…. 

Deleica..... but don't you worry... I won't give up... maybe one day....