I write this with tears. I'm so tired of fighting. So tired of trying to figure out what is wrong with my body. So tired of trying to be strong and not let everyone see how I truly feel.... I'm just plain exhausted from trying to be STRONGER than I feel!
I do have so many GOOD things in my life and I'm truly thankful to God for those! My grandkids bring so much joy to my life!
But man... I've had a hard year! 4 marathons that I have either not been able to complete or finished (just one) where I was very sick. Let me just recap those:
1. Greece - Kidney stone - hospital - had to drop out of marathon
2. Tokyo - finished but barely by time limit! was so sick I threw up everywhere and walked most of the marathon. I did get my 6th star...but it was a very ugly marathon for me.
3. Kentucky - Had to back down to the half marathon after starting the race due to awful pain. I could not run.
4. Washington - I went only because I had paid for flight, etc. and walked the half in pain!
On top of those 4 marathons not happening as planned, my daughter separated from her husband (which I expected.. it's just hard seeing your flesh and blood go through hard things!), my stepson died, and my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson. It's been a rough 12 months. And as I write this, I feel bad, because I know so many have it worse than me. Why am I sitting her crying! My poor husband lost his father in one year in August and 2 months later lost his youngest son! then 7 years later lost his other son this past year so, I do not deserve to even complain. He's lost his only 2 kids! and yet here I am crying and wondering when things will turn around for me. Oh and I'm still having .. let's say anxiety over this dang work merger... every day coming to work not knowing if it's my last or not. 😐
Running has been my stress reliever for years. It makes me feel good to complete a run. Now every time I think I'm on the come back from some injury or illness, BAM something else hits me! It's like it's never ending. I'm starting to wonder if God wants me to just throw my hands up and quit running.
I've been to PT for weeks, I've had multiple steroid shots, I've done ALL the things they say to do to get better and nothing seems to totally heal me. 😒 If one more person tells me to give it time, I think I may scream. I'm not sure they know how it feels to start 4 different things and then have to either quit, backdown, or not do it. It's AWFUL.
Recently after doing all the THINGS (PT, shots, etc.), I was able to jog/walk 10 miles. I thought to myself.. YES, I'm coming back. Then the next weekend ... BAM.. 3 miles in and my heel starting hurting so bad I had to get Ronnie to come pick me up. I couldn't even make it walking back to our cars. I was devastated once again. and I felt so bad for going to meet my friends for the first time in a LONG time and they all stopped to walk with me till Ronnie got me picked up. Thank goodness Ronnie was only doing a few short miles and could come pick me up!
I hope by next time I make a post; I'll be running. 🙏
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