No CHOO for me ......

I keep trying to find the words for my thoughts ....

One of my Favorite Quotes 

No Ironman race for me on September 30, 2018.  I was so looking forward to going to Chattanooga with my family in tow and completing something I never dreamt I could do.  However, a bike wreck on my last practice ride a week before race day has put me out.  ER reported a left Elbow joint effusion which is typically an occult fracture and a closed left side cheek and eye fracture (Zygomaticomaxillary complex fracture... also known as a tripod, tetrapod, quadripod, malar or trimalar fractures, are seen in the setting of traumatic injury to the face..   I am worried about my face.  ER told me I would need to follow up with an ortho doc.  They also referred me to a Oral & Maxillofacial surgeon for my facial fractures.   Here's a picture from the ER on Saturday, September 22.  As you can tell I was not very happy. 

Nine months of working my butt off to get ready for the biggest race of my life.  I was beyond emotional.  The doctor told me NOT to blow my nose for weeks due to the fractures around my sinus cavity so I held in the crying I really wanted to do.  I had seen a couple other people wreck recently and even other ironman choo participants posting on the event facebook page how they would not be racing due to an injury, but I never thought about it happening to me.  I had been looking forward to a nice rest after the race.  I guess I jinx myself and got the rest early!!

I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I only told a few people and asked them to not tell anyone so that I would have a few days to get my thoughts together.  After spending Monday at the Ortho and the oral surgeons office, I knew for sure I would not be going to race and it was time to let people know.  See I had mailed my family notes on how to track me on race day just a few days prior to accident!! I guess another jinx.  

I don't know why this happen.  Believe me I've played it over and over in my head and still can't figure out why I wrecked.  I guess it just wasn't God's timing for me to go to Choo this year.  I have to accept it and move it.  But it sure is hard to swallow!!! 

Picture a few days after... let me just say you could call me a rainbow... my face has been so many different colors!  

I'm over it... Sick of only having one arm I can dress with or do anything!  But deep down I know I'm blessed and there is no need for complaining.  Yes, I want to scream.  I want to be mad.  I want to cry.  But what would it do???  Seems we've had a hard year and I'm still asking "WHY" on Drew.  Sometimes we just don't know the "Why" as the reason things happen.  It's hard.  As humans we want an answer.  

I've always believed that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle bad situations.  I'm trying to handle this as graceful as possible.  This is the first race I will not finish as planned and I think that's what is bothering me most.   I've had issues before like hip bursitis, plantar Fascists, etc., but each time I pushed thru the pain and finished the race.  That's not possible this time so right now it kind of seems like a failure.  

I will say that when I posted I wasn't going on FB, boy I got so much support!!! People that don't even know me personally, were sending me messages.  Telling me to not give up... they'd been in the same boat and it just make the next time so much sweeter when they finished the race.  There are some really good people in this world!!!  One friend reminded me to remember the journey and not focus on the destination.  This ironman training sure has been a journey.  I've learned so much about myself.  I've found out that I'm so much stronger than I thought I was.  Who would have thought I could swim 2 miles in a river!! Not me. ha  But I did!  It wasn't at ironman, but it was at Chase the Hooch 2.4 mile swim.  I've ridden a 100 miles several times on my bike.  So this journey has not been a failure.  I've become stronger not only physically, but mentally and I've meet some incredible people along this journey.   One of my training partners will be going on to Chattanooga to complete his 1st Ironman and I'll be cheering him on that whole day!  I'm so proud of him!  You rock Jason Clayton!  And there is so much I could say about my coach!  She's amazing!  She's pushed me beyond what I thought I could do.   She's been so supportive and she's still cheering for me to get that ironman.  Lisa you are one of a kind! Thanks!

We must decide to not let our disappointments define us.  We must move forward.  

 Trust is hard.  I still have moments each day where I want to cry or just be bloody mad!, but I make the decision to move forward.  You can too if you are dealing with something.  

I don't know my next move yet.... but trust me there will be one. :>)  My coach wants me to think about Ironman Texas in April.  It would mean I could take a short break and then hop right back to training.  Or maybe I'll wait and shoot for Chattanooga next year.  Ironman races aren't every month like a marathon so you can just go do another one... unless I wanted to travel out of the country. LOL  Ironman races that are in the US and fairly close to me are few and far between.   There is one in Florida in November, but since I can't swim for 4 weeks, I don't think it's a good idea for me to show up and attempt an ironman with no practice for 4 weeks.  

My husband and I had already planned to leave Chattanooga after the race and go to PA to see his mother so we are headed on to PA instead of stopping in Chattanooga.  It will give him a few extra days with his mom which is a blessing.  I plan to take the week to recover from this accident and get my thoughts in order.  Most of you know, I'll be planning something.  I'm a planner by nature.  Got to have a list and a calendar. :>)   The desire to do a full ironman is still there, so who knows.. maybe 2019 will be my year.  I have St. Jude marathon in 2 months which is very dear to my heart and I'm so thankful that my legs were not hurt so I can run.   There is just something about runners (& triathletes)... you'll find ones that couldn't run 100 yards and will be finishing their first marathon and triathletes that couldn't swim or bike and will be finishing their first TRI.   They are all embedded with a heart of determination, a will stronger than most, and a perseverance like none other.  I am honored to be among them. 

Here is my WHY...  

I TRI..... to inspire those around me, to prove that I can, for variety, to be a role model for my children, proving to them you can do anything you put your heart and soul into..  Go for your dreams.  Because I can, to have my cake and eat it too.  To be my best.  To work hard, to finish, to push myself, to overcome my fears, to be with my friends, because it makes me happy, to get out of the house, to smile, to be strong.... FOR MYSELF. 

Dear God,  when I follow you and my life remains difficult and full of struggle, it is easy for me to feel defeated and fear that you aren't on my side.  Thank you that Psalm 44 reminds me you have always cared for me, and I can trust you in your unfailing love.  In Jesus name, Amen. 

Whatever you may be going through... DON'T GIVE UP!
D