Medal Monday - Brett Robinson TRI-It-On Sprint

SLEEP is definitely what I wanted Saturday after I got home from the TRI.  Three hour drive after working all day... barely sleeping thinking about race .. and a three hour back home after racing... talk about TIRED. 

I registered for this race months ago when they offered earlier registration at a cheaper price and BEFORE I knew I was going to have so much trouble with my hip Bursitis!  I registered for the longer distance (Olympic).  However, the closer it got to race day I began wondering if I should back down to the Tri-It-On distance which is a shorter sprint distance.   I was swimming the Olympic distance in the pool and recently biked 40 miles, so I figured I was ready in those 2 areas, but my running is mostly walking right now.  And after about 5 miles jog/walking, my hip starts hurting so I was unsure if I could really put all 3 sports together and finish.  I kept telling myself that it's okay to fail.  Failure means you actually tried.  But in this case I knew my training was not up to where it should be for me to be attempting an Olympic distance and that really sucked!  

Last year I had also registered for the race and at the last minute, I decided to bike one last 50 miles with my two friends that were doing Augusta half ironman with me.  Well, I ended that 50 mile bike ride with a visit to the ER to get my calf sewn up.  

I thought Augusta was out of the question.  I was so upset.  I wished I had went on to the Brett Robinson race.  However, I was able to complete Augusta with no problems.  Praise Jesus :<>)

So this year I was determined to make the race if at all possible.  Heck it isn't cheap to register for the race and they won't let someone pick up your shirt if you don't make the race.  All week I debated on what I was going to do.  I had not only my training to think about, but we also had a storm named IRMA that I was worried may cause the water to be very wavy in Gulf Shores.  My husband even said he didn't think they'd be having the race.  I watched the weather all week.   I even watched live webcams showing the water.  On Friday it still looked calm, so I decided to go on after work.  I quickly made me a room reservation and hit the road at 5:45 pm.  I had several friends that were doing the race so I knew once I got there that I would not be alone.  The whole drive I debated on switching distances.  I prayed and even tried to tell God what distance I should do.  Knowing that doesn't work! LOL  I think we all tend to do that at some point and time.  I tried to reason through every thought as to why I should just go ahead and stick with the longer distance.  By the time I reached the hotel, I was wore out just from thinking.  When I finally got everything unloaded and laid down in the bed around 10 pm, that's when I really prayed.  I prayed for God to help me to stop thinking and just leave it in his hands.  I told him I was not going to worry about it any more and when I woke up, I would know what to do.  

Well, the next morning I was still unsure.  Boy sometimes God just doesn't answer us immediately, does he?  I went on to check my bike in and pick up my race number early since I had not done that the night before.  When I walked in to pick up my number I just had a gut feeling about switching.  So I asked the lady what I needed to do to switch and she said she would have to give me a new number and I'd be at the end of the sprint peeps to start the swim.  YUK.   I'm not a fast swimmer to begin with, but when she told me I'd be last, it was like a balloon going out of air.  I felt so deflated.  However, I reminded myself that for me this was just practice and I was not going to be racing hard so it didn't matter if I was at the end to start.  It just meant It would be a wait to actually tart.  LOL  The race started at 7 am and I didn't hit the water till 7:30 am.  I was freezing!!! It turned out to be a cold morning.  They even announced before the race that the water temp had dropped and you could wear a wet suit if you wanted to.  Boy I wish I had mine just to keep me warm while standing around.  Even guys with big old muscles were shivering.  

I was number 347..... I think we had like 352 total sprint racers so I wasn't actually the last one...but dang close to it. ha  I'm not sure how many were in the longer distance, but I was number 844 before I switched.  It's typically a nice size race.  Many love the race.  It's a fun one.  Most years though it's fairly hot! and I've seen the waves be huge before.  

On Friday the water looked calm.  And people that had been there on Friday were talking while we were waiting to start about how much the water had changed over night.  There was a huge north wind and the waves were picking up.  That's the only thing I hate about an ocean swim... you just never know about the water!  

It was finally my turn to jump in.  It felt like I was on a roll coaster! I tried to time the waves so when I was on the top of one I would look up to try to find the buoys.  It was a struggle.  I think I basically floated most of the race.  There wasn't much true swimming because I spent most of the time looking for the them dang buoys so I could make the right turn and not go out further for the longer distance... which my friend Marsha told me she accidentally did.  I'd much rather a river swim any day. LOL   When I finally got to where I was coming back into the shore and I could touch my feet to the bottom, I stood up and looked at my watch.  I was at 8 minutes.  Not as fast as I would have liked to be, but I was happy...... UNTIL.... a monster wave took me down.  I should have looked back, but was too busy looking at my watch.  It was heck getting up.  The waves kept crashing in on me.  I could barely walk.  I was thinking to myself that I bet whoever was on the shore was getting a good laugh at this old lady trying to get out of the water.  My swim time ended up being 9:45 by the time I got out and crossed the mat and my watch said 389 yards instead of the 300 yards.  I guess I swam a tad off course looking for buoys.  Whew! SLOW!  I saw where some people swam the distance in 5 minutes! That's fast.. to me! :>)  I was just happy to be out of them waves. 

Now on to the bike.  It was an out and back course.  It felt so easy.  I was flying.  I looked down and I was averaging 20 mph.  I could barely believe it.  Then I started noticing the people coming back on the route.  They were all going so slow.  When I got to the turn around the lady was waving saying slow down.... the wind is bad.  I didn't realize what she was talking about exactly until I started my turn.  It was like I hit a brick wall! I could barely manage a 14 mph pace.  Now I knew exactly why it was so easy going out and why the people looked like they were going so slow coming back!!! A strong head wind!  Probably the strongest wind I've ever biked against.  I'm shocked I ended up with a 16.9 pace overall.  It was tough coming back!  

That's the TRUTH!

Once I put my bike up in transition, I only had the run segment left.  YIPPIE .... and it was only 2 miles.  I did my 1:1 intervals until I made the turn at the 1 mile mark.  I decided to try to push myself and run most of the last mile.  It was tough... but you know what they say....

I saw Amie and her dad going in when I was starting my run.  I was so happy to see them before the race.  I think it's amazing that they do races together!  Reminds me of my other friend, Serina.  We had a nice visit.  It was great seeing them.  I've missed seeing several old friends lately! I miss the old days. :>)

Got a picture...... (Stole from  Amie's page... aren't they the cutest ever!)

I finished and Jennifer was standing with Amanda and some of the other "swamp donkeys", that's what they call their group, at the finish line and wanted to get a picture.  So we grab a picture real quick and Jenn texted it to me. 

Amanda, Jennifer & Me

I didn't get a picture of Amie & her dad after the race.  My phone was in the transition area and they were not letting people in just yet.  By the time I got in to get my bag, I think they had left.  I never saw them again. I loaded my bike and then went to grab food.  I talked to Jennifer and them for a short while and then they all left to go to the beach.  I think they were all staying all weekend.  I had a drive home! YUK  I was getting ready to walk to my car and decided I would walk over to the booth where you could get a printout of your results.  Everyone else had done that earlier, but I didn't thinking..why bother.. ha  I don't know why I decided to as I was leaving, but it was something tugging at me to go get them.  Good thing I did because they were announcing the age group 50-54 and called my name!  I did a double take.  If the lady hadn't stumbled trying to say my name it might not of caught my attention.  I got 3rd place.  Boy I was shocked!  Everyone had left so I didn't get a picture of me getting my award.  I did however ask a guy in the parking lot to take my picture before I left.   Thank you random stranger! :>) 

Here are pictures from the Brett Robinson Facebook page... I'm on #3 getting my award. :>) 

They also captured me walking around after the race looks like... :>)

I'm still shocked I placed.  Maybe the fast people didn't show up for the race due to the storm.  Or maybe it was God giving me a little bit of hope to not give up.  For the past couple of months dealing with this bursitis, I've started to get down.  I'm wondering when I'll ever run without pain.  I know deep down I have to keep the faith that God will allow all things to work out for his good... not my own. :>)  Right now I'm just happy he allowed me a little bit of happiness on Saturday with placing in a TRI....even if it was a shorter distance sprint.  I give him all the glory!  Without him I'd be no where! I am thanking him for my many blessings!  

Here's a picture of the medal and the cute cup I got as my award. 

Have a bless day!

Love, D

Grief is difficult to watch

Some people tell me I tell too much or post too much on social media. Maybe I do. I feel deeply. Some even say I'm so sensitive. And YES, I am. When I feel that I've hurt someone, I will worry myself sick thinking about it and wondering what I can do to fix it.   Or if I know someone struggling,  I will worry myself sick about that.  All this with Gary's mom has me very emotional.  We are traveling home and I'm typing away on my iPad because we are both too emotional to talk. 

Isn't it funny... we do everything to prevent growing old. We forget it's a privilege to grow old. Some don't get that chance. We try to erase wrinkles. Dye our hair. We do all kinds of things to try to look younger and yet age still takes over.  

I have many friends my age that have already lost their parents. Most due to cancer.  Gary has been very fortunate to see his parents live a long time. His dad died at 87 just a couple of months before turning 88.  He fought cancer twice that we know of.  They were very private about health issues.  We knew about his lung cancer because he had lung surgery to remove one lung.  Then a couple of years ago, one of the grandsons wife, who is a pharmacist, saw some medicine at the house and knew it was for prostrate cancer and told us. Even with both of those cancers he still managed to live a good long life that many only dream to live in their 80s still living in their own home, driving, cutting their own grass, and still waiting on the love of their life hand and foot.  He was very lucky.  

This weekend we had to travel to PA under different circumstances. It was for Gary's dad funeral service.   Gary had recently spent a month by his dads beside before he passed.  Most days it was just Gary with his dad. His mom said she just couldn't do it.  After he passed, Gary stayed a week and then came home to get me and go back for service after the little league World Series. Yep, it just so happen right when the series was about to start so there were no hotel rooms. The series is huge! It's on TV and people from all over the country come to PA.  So the service would be 3 weeks later.  

When Gary left his mother she was doing pretty good.  It was 180 degrees turnaround when we went back. We arrived on Thursday the day before the service and found her in bed. She had not been dressed in days, nor eaten.  We were in total shock.  I remember when we walked in the house, we couldn't find her so Gary went to the bedroom and she was just laying there crying.  She was so small.  She had lost lots of weight and had no strength to get out of bed. Gary helped her to the chair in the living room.   We both sat with her with nothing but worry on our mind.  I've always heard grief can be so ugly.  I was young when my mother's mother died. But I do remember it was hard for her. However, I had a new born and my life was busy with 2 small kids, so I missed being right in the middle of the grief.  I can say now that I've seen grief up close and it's so heart breaking.   I felt so emotionally drained this weekend. 

As we sat there Thursday, Ellie, Gary's mom, would start crying and when Gary would ask what was wrong all she said was, "why did he leave me?"   I could barely hold back the tears.    You know they say sometimes the child has to become the parent. Well that's exactly what I saw with Gary and his mom.  He reminded her that Jim didn't just leave her.   He died. They had 69 years together.  That really didn't ease her pain, because it was written all over her face, but she stopped crying for about an hour and then it was the same scene all over again.  We played this scene over and over all weekend with her.  Some were worst than others and on our last two days there, it turned from, "why did he leave me?" To "Gary I don't want you to go home,  I'm so lonely."  Talk about being on an emotional roll coaster watching these painful scenes and not being able to do a dang thing! 

We left there that Thursday night not knowing whether she was going to the service or not. Gary told her to be up the next morning because we were coming to pick her up.  Surprisingly she was up when we arrived. But as soon as we said it's time to go, she told us no.  "NO" was her favorite word all day on Friday.   We finally got her up and almost to the door and she just started sitting down so I grabbed a dinning chair and put behind her before she fell.  She told us she wasn't going.  Gary told her that he wasn't forcing her to go and he wasn't waiting on her because we were already running late, so she better decide right that moment if she was going or not.  We stood there in silence a couple of minutes and then she said she had to. It was a struggle to get her down the steps and in the car.  She had no strength. There is no way she would walk on her own.  We both had to hold on to her to help her walk. 

Once at the church, she told me I had to sit beside her. I told her that should be Gary or his brothers place. She told me No.  she said they wouldn't sit, and she wanted me too.  As I sat there and watched many of her old friends come up and speak to her, I thought of so many things.  Most were telling her they were praying for her and one sweet little old lady kept telling her that she had even through the same thing and that she would make it thru this difficult time. Ellie just said No.  Ever time we asked her if she needed something she said No. And then after the service she said she wanted to go home. We asked her if she wanted to stay for the church lunch and again she said No.  So Gary and his two sons took her home.  She only wanted to be left alone.  I had hoped all of us with the great grand kids could spend the afternoon with her.  But she kept telling Gary..No.  So we left her alone as she wished.  I told Gary maybe we should just go sit with her anyway and he said no.  He said I've got to respect her wishes today.  So I didn't push it.  Maybe I should have, but she's not my mother.  I didn't want to overstep.  I felt my job is to love Gary and respect his wishes.  I knew he was very upset inside and trying to hide it from his kids.  Every time we were alone, he would tell me how shocked he was to see his mom in her condition.  She was always the strong one. He figured God took is dad first for that reason.   However, in the back of my mind I was remembering that in all 12 years of me coming to PA, Jim waited on Ellie hand and foot. He treated her like a queen.  I couldn't imagine how she was feeling. 

Michelle, the neighbor, friend, adopted sister Gary never had, and nurse was going by to check on Ellie with her daughter Katie who Jim and Ellie babysit when she was growing up after the service.  Katie was in town from Boston. They are not blood, but they are family.  Michelle grew up next door to Jim and Ellie. She's a tad older than me so she came along after Gary had left to go to college in the south. They took her in.  She says it was because she was a child with 4 siblings and she didn't get much attention at home. Ha.  Jim and Ellie always took her out for her birthday.  And then when Michelle got married and had 2 kids, Jim and Ellie also adopted them as grandkids.  We heard many stories on Katie and Kevin each time we visited.  I was glad they were going to check in on Ellie.  Michelle said she'd let us know how Ellie was and for us to go enjoy the rest of the afternoon with the grandkids.  First time for Gary to have all his grandkids in PA.  We had a wonderful afternoon sitting out at pier 87, which is a cute little restaurant nestled down by the creek in the mountains.  It was very relaxing and took our mind off the dire situation for just a little bit.  I knew in the back of Gary's mind he was thinking about what and how we were going to handle his mom.   

Michelle called Gary as we were heading back to the hotels. She told him that her and Katie had given Ellie a stern talking to. They noticed she had not been taking her medicine.  She's on blood pressure medicine and the doctor had given her something for depression.   Katie is also a pharmacist so she fixed two weeks of meds up in daily pill containers and told Ellie she had to take her medicine every day and that Michelle was going to be coming back to check daily.  Gary was so happy to hear this news.   

The next day the plan was for everyone to visit Ellie before the grand kids left for Washington.  However, before I even got dressed, Gary got a call from his mom saying she needed him.  She was on the floor and couldn't get up.  Gary rushed to check on her.  He called me and said for me to let him know when I was dressed and he'd come get me then, but not till then because he was staying with her.  He also told his kids she was not up to seeing anyone.  So they left and went on to Washington.   This broke my heart as I'm sure it did theirs.  Drews girls have never been to Jim and Ellie's house.  When Gary picked me up, I started giving him my opinion that I thought they should have seen her.  He told me he didn't want them to remember her the way she was now.   I didn't push it.  I just tried to respect his wishes and love.   Lord knows I loved his dad and love his mom.  They welcomed me with open arms the first time I meet them. They were genuine. They were kind. They were special.  

We had a rough morning with her.  Then It was like a light switched and she began to perk up. Maybe because Gary had been talking to her pretty sternly about how she had to eat.  She was so skinny and frail.  I would have never dreamed she would be that bad.  Gary had to help her up to bathroom.  I sat there and wondered what the heck she did while we were not there.  She had no strength.  I managed to clean the refrigerator out.  She didn't like me doing anything.  Kept telling me No.  Jim did most all the house work. After his lung cancer he was unable to work, she continued to work and he was at home taking care of the house.  He'd have her supper ready when she got home. Like I said, he waited on her for years.   And he did it with joy.  She often offered to clean the kitchen when we were there and he'd refuse to let her.  Oh and he waited on me to when I was there.  He truly was a rare gem!! 

We finally got her to eat a half of a sandwich.  And then out of the blue she asked where all the grandkids were at.  My heart broke again.  I whispered to Gary that they should have came by.  He then told me it was all his fault.  After seeing her on her floor he didn't think she would improve and didn't want them to see her in that state.  He felt bad he had not told them to give her a little bit and then come by. We told her they went on to Washington to sight see.  She said that was probably best because she was a mess.  That just opened another door for Gary to talk to her.  So many of her friends told us at the funeral that she wouldn't let them in to visit her.  They Said she even hung up on them when they called to talk to her.  She has lots of friends there, but she is stuck in her grief and wanted to stay there.  You could tell she had no desire to eat or get dressed.  Which for her is RARE!  I had never seen her without makeup, hair piece, and dressed in dress clothes until this weekend.  She'd often pick and me and Gary about our casual t shirts and shorts when we came to visit.  She was always dressed like she was going to work. 

Later that night we finally talked her into letting us get her some food from a local restaurant.  I still wasn't sure she would eat it, but we got it. Surprisingly she ate a small bowl of lasagna and even smiled.  I kept thinking this may be a turning point. I was praying it would be.  However, when we got ready to go to our hotel, she began to cry. She was confused thinking we were going home to Mississippi right then.  Gary reassured her we would be back the next day and she better be dressed. Lol.  He was really turning into the parent! 

As we drove back to the hotel, I told Gary my concerns.  I honestly didn't see how Ellie was going to remain there alone. She couldn't do anything herself.  Unless someone went to grocery store for her, took her to bathroom, washed her clothes, took care of the house and yard, there was no way she could do it.  He said he realized that, but wanted to give her another day.  He said she's stressed.  She doesn't want to leave her house.  I think she wants to grieve in her own home.  I told him I understood all that, but we dont live close and who was going to do all this for her.  

Thank goodness for Michelle!! Although I told Gary you can't just depend on Michelle to do it forever.  That wouldn't be right. 

The next day she seemed a tad better. She was up when we got there, but wanted Gary to help her to the bathroom.  Again, my mind is wondering how the heck she's going to make it when we leave.  We sat around the rest of the day.  Gary kept trying to make her laugh and he succeeded a few times.   She then asked for a McDonald hamburger.  We were shocked, but I jumped in the vehicle fast as I could to go get it.  I also stopped at Rite Aid and bought her a cane.  Earlier that day Gary had went in his dads room and got the walker that they had purchased for Jim.  She totally did not like it at all.  She immediately started crying and kept saying no, no, no.  We asked her why and she said it just brought back so many memories of Jim those last 6 weeks.  So we put it up.  I wasn't sure she'd except the cane, but I got it and when I got back I left the cane in the vehicle and took her the burger.  She gobbled it down which made us very happy.  I told Gary he could give her the cane and see how she accepted it. Ha.  To my surprise she didn't turn her head from the cane, but asked Gary to help her try to use it.  Oh now my heart was starting to feel a tad better.  Just to see her actually ask made me smile.  I forgot to mention that she fell several days before we arrived. She had a badly bruised knee but refused to go to doctor.  So besides being week from not eating she had a very sore knee. 

Michelle stopped by later that evening to check on Ellie because she knew we would be leaving the next day and she wanted to see if we'd made any progress in getting Ellie to eat and out of bed.  She was happy to see her in her chair, but also still concerned.  She told me in private when she left that she was very worried.  I told her I was too.  

The day we left headed to Mississippi, Ellie cried and told both of us she didn't want us to go home.  She kept telling me the days were too long and she was so lonely without Jim.  All I could do was hug her.  Gary tried to be strong, but I could see the worry and sadness written all over his face.  As we finally got out in the car to leave, the country song about my old man was on.  I think it's by Zac Brown.  We both rode in complete silence with tears rolling down our face.  I couldn't even look over at Gary.  I don't think I've been that sad in a long time. I felt so empty inside and helpless.  I didn't know what to do for Gary or his mom.  Our journey home was very quiet.  When we got home I asked Gary if he was going to call his mom and he said no that he would in the morning. He just couldn't take no more of her crying.  I'm not sure either of us slept that night. 

I took off work today and glad I did.  My hip is hurting so bad from traveling and sitting.  Gary came home at lunch and I asked him if he got his mom.  He started crying. He said she didn't answer so he got the neighbor to go check. Ellie was in bed. She finally called Gary back and he said they both cried and he told her he didn't want to lose her too.  She promised she was going to try. So again here we are miles alway hoping she will find the strength to do so.  She's lost the love of her life.  But I know my God is a faithful and I'm praying he'll put someone in her path there in PA to help her through this difficult time. We are very worried because you hear stories of how one spouse dies and the other one grieves themselves to death.  Ellie is basically in great health. She could live another 20 years her doctor says, but she's got to want too.  Oh dear Lord, give her the want too please.