Have you ever second guessed yourself? Ever sat and tried to figure out what went wrong? It's now 10 days post Boston Marathon. I kind of feel like I should be on a high. I mean they say the Boston marathon is the super bowl of marathons. Like several others I'm not on that could 9 high. I actually never really got that high. Yes, I'm very happy I completed Boston...... but.... it's not the high I had hoped I would get. And maybe I'm blue because it's over. All the months of training and now it's over and done. I always thought I'd dance once I got to the finish line... instead I told my mom all I wanted to do was get to the hotel. I had no interest in hanging around the finish line. My stomach was just not feeling well. Heat really changes things for me. I live in it and should be real use to it, but running in the heat just doesn't sit well with my stomach most of the time. Many have a goal of doing Boston every year and several runners that I met have done it several years in a row... and all I could think was this is not a race I want to do every year. I'm sure race day weather didn't help in those feelings... and another reason is I don't live close and man it is expensive to travel and stay there several days! Now If it was a race you could do with your friends and share room expense, that would be more feasible. The crowd support is INCREDIBLE.. I don't have one thing negative to say about the town. Boston is great! However, I don't think I'm alone in my feelings of the race. I've now seen so many post on social media by different runners with their take on Boston and many had several of the same feelings I've had....... what happen, what could I do differently, why, why, why...
As for me, I've sat while working this week after the race and the thoughts keep creeping up in my head on the race. I know I held back and I didn't push myself. What if I had not held back that 1st half of the race and I had just let myself run as fast as I could??? Would I have crashed?? Or would I have made a much faster finish time?? Why can't they start the race at 7am so we would be done before that 70 degrees hit??? (oh I heard it's the media that determines the race start due to it be televised!) Why did I walk so much in the 2nd half? Why didn't I push myself to just keep running ... even if I fell out at the end...
We can't really control how these thoughts keep popping up in our heads .... But we can control what we do with them. And I'm not good at it.. 😄 Last night I was doing a peloton ride and Matt said something that really spoke to me... I wish I could remember his exact words... it was something like this:
"Forget the past, look to the future, by living in the present." How awesome is that?! We can't change the past no matter how much we dwell on it. We don't get a redo in life. Let's live in today.
I'll never know what would have happen on race day if all my "what ifs" had happen .... The only sure thing is that I finished. 😍 It was not my best marathon time, It was by far a race in which I felt really good, it wasn't a race that left me feeling amazing..... BUT it was BOSTON and I finished standing up. I have to remind myself that most people don't even do marathons. I had someone ask me recently what motivates you to do it again when it's not all great.... That's a really good question because most would say well I'm not doing that again.. it hurt, it was awful, etc. But I think if you ask most runners that question, you'd get very similar answers to my WHY.
I keep doing them because I want to show my kids / grandkids that a marathon is hard like life, but you can't give up. You must keep moving forward. I also do it for myself... for my health, my mental state and to forever try not to get old too fast. 😂😍 I want to inspire others. You don't have to be the fastest or best... you simply have to put one foot in front of the other and move. 👊
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